My new partner in the bike shop I finally was able to get off the ground this year after a 2 year hiatus just left the house. He had come last night with his girlfriend to help me can the first run of peaches. Texting me last night, he wanted to know if I was headed out on the Harley, like we have done often this summer in the evening. I told him I was still 3 boxes, and about 20 pounds into my evening, and shouldn’t go. He replied and said he’d shorten his “attitude change” and be up, because he was excited to help more. I smiled at this, seeing both of them enjoying learning a hobby I had picked up years before I met Amy, and still hold dear to do every year. It was also a surprise, as I learn more and more about 2 who are quickly becoming very close friends. The can of peaches I gave them the night before probably sealed the deal for them to want to learn how to do this themselves. Now I have someone who has a family tomato sauce recipe, and I have the hobby of canning. We aren’t going to just have bikes to build and sell as something to do. It looks like we are going to be busy doing something from our youth which will make us both proud.
In between pressure cooking the jars, I am sitting here trying to sort out the email notices, the joint online accounts and receipts, and the many online things which I didn’t want to sit inside and do while summer was here. I came upon the email bill on the year subscription of this blog, and signed in for a few reasons. One was to read some of it a little, and the other was to close it down. I haven’t been back on this since I wrote the final update, and as the summer has rolled on I have become mixed as to whether I even appreciate that this blog exists. I am not going to elaborate on it, and I know it leaves many questions. I don’t say these words out of anger. I say them based more on asking God if the writings here were too much of the experience shared that Amy and I had, and eventually, The experience I had. Or, if the real question is…….. was it just not enough of it to really let people understand the entire picture of the events which occurred over the last 19 months? The truth is, my answer to that tonight as I get ready to close this is pretty simple. It actually became my evening devotion.
When Amy and I decided to get married, she had closed her Facebook account, due to a long list of reasons. One weekend, while we were working on the wedding favors, I asked her to go into my account and close it too. I am kind of lost when it comes to doing the computer things. For 5 years, we set forth with our own goal, working pretty relentlessly to seize the gardening, the self sufficiency, building our own home, etc… and didn’t think much about the removal of the social media. We both kept writing, as I have found many of hers over these past few months, and kept up with close friends, our church, etc..
Then tragedy struck, and in hesitation, we both thought overnight on our own whether to allow the you care to be opened up. Amy and I agreed in the end ultimately the answer was the witness of God would be the single motivation for it. Although some days I feel mixed while now alone and encountering different people, I do go back to the reason we continued the blog. Reading her updates I can see she did remain very true to the idea of being a witness. Breaking from our security of privacy, which if anyone close to Amy would know, was one of the things about her she always held dear. It made me smile this evening to re read her updates, for the last time. Don’t worry, I am having someone back them up to a computer somewhere. I guess I’ll have to figure out how to do all those things sometime, or in time… he he.
One day, a few months before her death, I was sitting on the bed in my work clothes. She was awake reading her kindle. I made it a habit to drink my coffee late morning with her, and she made it a habit to at least wake up early enough to be awake when I came in. Even if that meant not “getting up.” Most times, I spent it making her laugh. It motivated her to get up and move about the treehouse for a little while. One morning though, she looked at me and asked, “Nate, what are you gonna do?” I thought for a moment, and I recalled telling her what I was going to do, way back, at the beginning. She was more than likely carrying the idea in her head as my words set in stone. I knew I would have to elaborate soon, as she was declining, and so began her and I discussing what I was “going to do.” Before she passed away, she had not only a good idea of my thoughts, but also one of the biggest influences of my life was able to “weigh in.” I elaborated my plan. I saw it made her smile a bit when I mentioned what my original thought to her after the babies passing, her diagnosis, really meant. In the end of us speaking on it, she merely said, “you had better go and do what makes you happy, no matter where it takes you, or what you choose.” Anyone who knows me, even way back in high school, knows I constantly had a guitar in my hand. What better time to push forward with an idea which had been eternal since I was about 11.
A month after she passed, my father was able to upgrade my phone, which had maxed out the memory due to the pics and videos of the twins. Turning on the I cloud drive to get the info restored, an iTunes playlist came in which Amy had made over the past months. One album struck me as unusual. “Wander this world” was the name, and the artist was someone we both didn’t listen to often. I began to listen, and thought it was rather ironic it popped up on my phone when it did. The reason is, my own music had begun to come out. You see, I write while buried in emotion. I need emotion to make the songs, the stories, the book. It doesn’t have to be sadness, it only has to be emotion which I am connected to. I have survived death a few times myself, with my songs following close behind it. The music I am writing now seems to be stronger than ever. This time, I am following it along with the book I am working on. I am actually going to “wander this world” a little too, seeking places to make the music, finish the book, and pull the peace which will come from the new experiences. Recently, a few days Harley ride in the mountains made me longing for more, and the pics are awesome. There are songs of the children, and songs of the experiences, new and old, I am going to share too.
I re opened my Facebook profile after Amy passed, knowing I was going to continue the music, like the service was for her. My Facebook page is pretty blank, and will Hardly be a personal outlet, as everyone knows. Even Led Zeppelin sings, “good times, bad times, you know I’ve had my share.” I’d rather channel it all to music and writing. Just my personal preference.
I will link people to a blog I started that has songs, pictures, and writings being put up as I travel to Nashville, Cali, the plains, Grand Canyon etc…. The songs are the “bootleg” versions so to speak. what I do is I write the song, then find one of my close musician Friends to play with me, and I share a little when I post it. After deer season, I am going into a studio somewhere and all these friends who play with me will come when I finish recording the core of the songs, and there will certainly be an iTunes playlist available sometime soon, or cd, or whatever you call it. The stories behind the travels to get there will be on the blog. And lastly, “miller hill” will remain a constant and a base for me for this time. The close friends who may be reading this know exactly what that means. The decades old song, “Miller hill,” will be on the blog site soon too. Seeing my new friend seize the canning in smiles and enjoyment, and the children’s faces who came to help me pick, as we have done for so many years, makes the difference. It helps make the music and the book.
I want to thank everyone for their prayers and their comments on this blog. It carried us through the vulgar and disgusting world of cancer. In all I have written above, I do want to say that cancer in all our lives isn’t over either. I am spending time trying to help others deal with it whenever I see an oppurtunity as well. If any one reading this has to deal with that storm cloud, at the very least, you should know I would be easy to find with the connection of the blog and Facebook to help anyone who wants it, or needs it. I am more than happy to help, and have some “experience” with it. This will be my direct witness until the day I get to ride out of this world.
Heres the link to the blog: https://comesatime.blog/
if you check it out this morning, it has one song, and 2 postings. The children’s songs are on their way very very soon, so check it again shortly. I need some help making it more chronological. (Tech savvy…..no, I am Wood savvy though!)
My Facebook name is Nate Tyack.
Send a friend request if you’d like. I’ll answer any and all of them. you’ll get linked to the blog from there, where the bootleg music, the Harley rides and pictures of my travels will be there.
My Facebook page will become the “attitude cycles” page soon. So, you’ll see some very cool Harley’s being built, and even ones for sale. Just check it out as the months roll on, it will be really cool and exciting.
Not much else will occur on the Facebook page though, except a way to reach out to me if you are directly or indirectly dealing with cancer, and want or need someone. I have your back, as you had mine.
This original Goodness and Mercy blog will be relocated to the website, Therecomesatime.org shortly. The site will include many pictures of the children, and of Amy holding them during the time we shared with them.
this blog will be closed when the website is completed. Thank you to everyone for their fervent prayers during this time.